A 7-month old incident

Seven months ago, i had an incident that I think i will remember for long. Nope, it is not haunting at all; it did not leave a dark shadow. But God did shake my heart through it.

My colleague and i were on our way back to office in his car. We stopped at a red light at a big junction, and all was normal till i heard my colleague shout out loud, and i turned my head... and saw a person fly into the air diagonally across us.

In the next split second, my colleague was already out of the car. As he ran across the road towards the accident scene, he shouted to me, 'Call the ambulance!!'

i heard it, but in my half-dazed mind. My fingers shook as they dialled 995. My voice shook as i reported the scene. Then it began to pour - heavily.

My colleague ran back, grabbed two umbrellas, passed one to me, and we walked briskly over again - to the driver who was distraught at what he had done, to the weak struggling body lying several metres away from the car.

A few passersby were standing around the victim; one of them motioned me to bring the umbrella to him. I don't exactly remember what happened in the next few minutes but i found myself alone with the victim (whom now i saw was an old uncle), doing all my best to shelter his injured and scarred body from the beating rain. (My colleague on the hand was trying to calm the driver, who was also an old man, down, and shelter him from the rain as well)

I didn't know what to think... i was scared. The rain drenched my back as i squatted beside the uncle whom by now, had blood flowing out of a bad cut on his head, and immediately merging with the rainwater on the floor. The blood looked like it could not wait to take its leave; it just flowed on and on rapidly.

Uncle was breathing very hard; his slumped body lifted labouriously with every breath he painstakingly and painfully took.

My mind cried, 'Jesus, Jesus, tell me what i should do now'. My heart asked myself who i would need most if i were in such a situation myself.... and i knew my reply was 'Jesus'.

I began to cry to the old uncle, "Uncle, you must hang on. Please hang on. The ambulance will be here soon....really, i called them.... Uncle, Jesus is here. He is here with you... Don't be afraid ok..."

This monologue went on for the next fifteen minutes. Cycle after cycle i cried out to the uncle. I did not know if he heard me; but i knew Jesus was with us at that point. I knew in confidence.

The ambulance finally arrived. They took him unto the ambulance, leaving his walking stick lying by itself a distance away. My colleague and i stood in the rain. The next day i got news that he did not make it.

* * *


For the next few days, i cried as i thought about the uncle. As i shared with my pastor and g12 sisters, i cried, and they teared together with me. However I was not traumatised; i think God had been cushioning me from the impact of this incident, probably by not letting the uncle die before my eyes and by having his face turned downwards all along that i was alone with him. He kept my heart really strong through the entire ordeal, and also through what He spoke to me about after the incident.

God told me He really cares about every single person; we are all His creation... no matter how far or how near we are to Him.

He assured my heart that He was with the uncle. (And with this, i claimed that uncle, if he had not known Jesus before the accident, received and reached out to receive Jesus' hand at those final moments)

He called me not to take my loved ones for granted, because life is really fragile.

He gently reminded me that our lives on earth are like a breath; uncle's body was flung like any parcel thrown into the air, and then 'Paaadddd!', dropped and smacked unto the ground. Only when our lives are in Christ, then they matter for eternity, no matter what happens to us.


* * *

Thank you Lord for being with me and tutoring my heart.

The Desert Song

Desert Song - Hillsong Live 2008

Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

New Season

My feet treaded their first few steps in the new season.

It is real. My feet felt the ground, the freshness of it all.

I remember myself praying this as i stood before the entrance gate, "God, as i give every breath to You in this new place.... as i leap or turn or simply move, and find myself losing breath, let my every grasp for air be such a longing grab for You, an upward reach to want more and more of You".

Yet in the first steps so far, i found myself breathless many times, but never losing strength.

God is the Strength of my heart... and my feet.

I humbled my heart a lot more this week, as truly, when i am weak, He is strong.


Aren't you excited for me? :)

Drawn by a novel's lives

Am currently reading this book and i already had a favourite line 21 pages into the book:

Children aren't colouring books. You don't get to fill them with your favourite colours.

The intricate lives of the characters against the turbulent historical events makes the novel such an intense but close-to-life read.

Lord, show me Your heart

Reflections on Batam trip

My colleague and I went to recce 3 Batam orphanages yesterday with a school's teachers and students. As I pondered upon the trip, God showed me His heart, and mine.


Just before we left the first orphanage which had the worst conditions out of the three we visited, we met this lady carrying a baby. Immediately we noticed that her left eye is sick – its iris is diluted and there is no sign of a healthy round pupil. A brief talk with the help of the translator revealed that she was already two, though her size was half than it should be.

A closer look at her spotted arms told us that she also has skin disease. But what broke Jaime’s and my hearts most was that she constantly wears a frown. We looked at her earnestly and smiled, but the very instant our eyes met hers, she would turn sharply and hide her face by her mother’s neck. After several tries, the girl believed that we were not there to jeer at her, looked longer at us but her face still looked so sad. Even when she finally tried to smile back at us, the corners of her lips turned downwards, because… she is just so used to frowning.

* * *

At the second orphanage which was times better than the first, Jaime and I met a really diligent boy. All the children were in the small living room with a pile of freshly washed clothes. This boy was the only one who bothered to help fold the clothes, and he did it so intently, making sure corners met corners. Even the piling of the folded clothes was a serious chore for him; he rather rearranged the clothes than to not have them piled up from the smallest to the biggest at the bottom. When a piece got ruffled through the rearrangement, well, he re-folded it as meticulously as before.

I made this remark to Jaime, ”Wow, if ever I want and can afford to adopt a child, I will choose him!”

* * *

This morning, as I remembered these, I asked God to show me His heart. He only asked me one question,

“Why didn’t you think about adopting the first girl with the eye condition instead of the boy who impressed you with his diligence?”

My heart shuddered as I understood what God was exactly telling me. I had easily ‘chosen’ a boy who could potentially be an asset to me – helping out in housework or even just in folding clothes, or at least whom I do not need to worry about teaching to fold clothes (?!), over a girl who may never be able to give me back anything or even live long!

I knew Jesus’ choice if He were me. I repented this moment.

* * *

God led me to read Philippians 4:8 -

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

My thought on adopting an orphan probably sounded noble and lovely. But it was my own desire, and it was not pure because it had subconscious conditions.

God showed me that the various ‘whatever is’ in the verse does not imply choice, but they are actually ‘and’s.

This means if I have a thought that is right but not lovely, it is not excellent or praiseworthy in God’s eyes. The thought has to be true (and) noble (and) right (and) pure (and) lovely and admirable to be so.

I thanked the Lord as I made my way to church,

‘Thank You Lord for showing me that my heart’s desire, even when it sounds good or right, may not be Your desire. Thank You Lord for showing me Yours, and reminding me again, You are with the poor, and most of the time, the poorest.’

One life.

The song below has been ringing in my heart, mind and soul, and from my lips (:P), tugging at my heartstrings with every word.

It is written by my friend Rhordan who expresses his God-given gifts in such beautiful and awesome ways. I salute you Rhordan!

One Light.

One Light in the darkness
One Flame in the night
One Dream in my heart now
One Life now to Live

One Hope for the future
One Path I will walk
One Call now to live for
One Life now to Give

One Song that will echo
One Tune that will last
One Voice into tomorrow
One Life now to Serve

As i sang, i pictured Jesus as an ordinary man, walking on earth and singing this song. I caught a deeper glimpse of His heart last weekend at a camp - the heart to serve, and not to be served.

Greater love has no one than this, that He (Jesus) lay down His life for His friends ~ John 15:13

Can you dream?

Was sharing with a spiritual brother in his car what Jesus spoke to me about His heart for the lost when i was in Shanghai. The conversation went on to my endeavours with the Boys' Home like this.

Me: I guess the best thing i could and wanted to do for the boys was to project a positive future into each of their minds. A lot of them simply can't see their lives beyond a day; they live day by day.

Him: Well that is cos' they cannot dream. (this put a startling silence in my heart)
If they cannot believe they can achieve their aspirations, there is no point dreaming at all...

I then remembered when i was in secondary school and JC, i was also hesitant to dream much. Yes, i was in very good schools - River Valley High and Hwa Chong Junior College, but deep inside my heart i needed to find my identity and purpose more than anything else.

What about you?

If you are currently schooling, are you dreaming? Do you dare to dream?

If you are already working, do you grimace knowing that you have shortchanged yourself from dreaming all these while?


I am curious to find out your answer.

God on msn

As my MSN logged on tonight, i thought God spoke to me these.

Many are fond of or even hooked on using MSN because they can choose when or even whether to reply to messages that came on.

God says,"I have given every man and woman a choice too. Most of them have had heard My call of love in their hearts, but they are choosing when or whether to respond to Me".

* * *

How many of us remember moments or opportunities that were lost because of our delayed responses... Don't miss out on God's call anymore; you may be missing out the greatest opportunity in your life.

Heaven Rejoices over Nicolette and Jamie's Baptism!

Mirabel and Anthony's cells

For Jamie's baptism testimony, go to http://thank-triumph-bless.blogspot.com!

Take me to the place Lord
Where there’s nothing else but me and You
Longing for Your presence
I know that You are calling me to You

Here i stand
And long for Your embrace
Nothing else
Could ever take Your place

Come Holy Spirit
Fall in this place
I need more and more of You
Fill me again with the power of Your spirit
Lord i’m crying out for
More and more of You

Lord i’m crying out for
More and more of You

Why me?

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: 'Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease'?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

' The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,

500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,

50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,

when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?' .

And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' '
Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,

Sorrow keeps you Human,

Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith and Attitude Keep you going... '

His Compassion for strangers

The 40-day prayer booklet this year focuses much on caring for the poor and needy, and the Lord led me through it not just through His word, but by bringing to me the poor and needy themselves.

In the past 1.5 weeks i encountered two strangers with teary eyes.

1. Was prompted to speak with a male youth at the busstop after a school's opening event, and though i felt he was skeptical about me who had only said hi and made small talks, he related that he came to the event's photography exhibition to support his late brother's photographs.

With tears in his eyes, he told me, "it was my brother's greatest wish to hold a photography exhibition, and he did it".

2. During an outdoors activity that my organisation Trybe conducted for another school, i was stationed at an elderly care home. This old man who had previously asked me for a cup of water, later came to sit beside me, looked into my eyes and said,

"I am very lonely here... i am deaf, nobody talks to me. I can't hear anything, i can't eat whatever and whenever i like as at home... Can you help me to call for someone to bring me home....."

His eyes were watery. My heart ached for him a lot, but i was helpless of what i could do for him. He could not hear my words of comfort too. I patted his hands and tried to articulate my words to him, and after a while he thanked me and walked away.

I made my way to the car (my colleague's) and drove away in tears.


O Lord, continue to soften my heart with Your compassion.



My boss tried to encourage me through this verse:
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. (Hebrews 13:2)

He said that might probably be the best i could do for each of them, though i felt like i had been selfish and not done anything for them at all. Thank you Boss. :) Nonetheless this will still be a good time of self reflection! Yeah

Magicbox-ed

Seeing Pastor Khong, our dear spiritual father, grow from strength to strength in the extraordinarily many aspects, especially in his magic presentation as seen in Magicbox on Thursday night, i cannot give thanks to God enough for how much he inspires me to reach for excellence in all that i do. All glory to God! :)

Last night a very precious youth i know and whom i had not heard from for a year, called me. Before that, he smsed me, 'Thank you, mum :)'.

The night before, i had supper with another dear youth who just flew last night to Melbourne for her university studies.

They might not have been in church with me since a long time ago, but i know God has been growing them up, keeping them close. Thank You Lord. :)

Updates

Some of you who are really concerned for me (ha) asked me for updates, so here they are for whoever are interested. :P

+dance

i finally started my new round of contemporary dance today! i cannot believe that whenever i stop dancing for some time, the dance vibes stir in me greater. And yes the question has been on my mind a lot again - God, propel me forth in Your love according to Your will!

Tonight at class, i felt the strain in my left hamstring more intensely than before (definitely cos' of the lack of stretch) from the past injury. There are quite a lot of stretches and moves which are so painful to do with my left leg because of it. As much as i push myself, i just feel so restricted.

But i told God again tonight, no way will i give up on this God-given dream! i will continue to grow myself towards excellence here.


+work

Workload has been growing since probably February this year, including a new portfolio, and my confidence in my work has also been rising. But i am being careful, that my confidence is always in the Lord and not myself or my work.

My Lord has shown me in many instances how He has pushed me beyond my comfort zones and abilities, to excel in areas that i was never good at. I thank Him for his boldness too, that i never shrink at any new challenge, but choose to take it up, rely on God and have fun! =)


+ family

At the beginning of the year, knowing that a key focus this year was Interdependence and restoring relationships, i laid down my relationships with my parents, asking God to grant it new and deeper intimacy.

And guess what, it is happening. =)

These months i have been spending a lot of time with my mum especially after her minor surgery, and we are growing to become more and more like friends. i know her salvation is already done and it will come soon. =)

+ spiritual family

There is a new freshness and joy in the relationships with my YCYPAO36 family this year. I truly enjoy this family more and more. =)

I cannot thank God enough on how He has been growing my cell ladies as well. They have been so supportive to me too; i feel more free in the Spirit in my discipleship. =) (Beiling and Eunice, you were missed last Sunday! =))

Lalalalala.......

Tagged

A good brother tagged me in the first picture above, and i scratched my head wondering why.

Another good brother said cos' it looks like me. Oh, maybe.... :)

Cell Love.Touch

Went through love languages with my girls at cell last Sunday, and they decided to demonstrate their love for me straightaway by...

TOUCHing me!

So, guess my top love language? :P

The book that i am now looking for

Hope i find it soon! =)

More on the book

Europe Photos

Been delayed for months... but they are finally uploaded at

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=41896&l=805cb&id=706254551
and
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=41901&l=2e93b&id=706254551

=)

My Beloved

Thanks to all who celebrated my birthday =)

Special Friend

Today i heard this song, that

my then special friend sang to me when we were in University. =)

I chuckled as i listened to the song today. Come on, this song is very sweet. =p

Talk about campus romance, i do wonder how much we understood love when we were together in Uni.

The years after that were actually the real beginning of my journey of knowing and understanding, receiving and giving love, in its truest sense. Guess who has been my faithful 'partner'?

'God is love. Whoever lives in Love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, Love is made complete among us..

We love because He first loved us.'

(1 John 4:16b-17a, 19)

*winks*

Two pictures that make me grin in love recently

Spot Dina.

(Taken at YCYPAO Cluster Meeting @ TC, 30 April 2008)

What happens when..

...you hang out too much with the younger ones?



Can you spot me? I bet i merge in rather well. =p

Oh my

I saw this on my friend's blog... gasped, then chuckled.

GOSH. I slept exactly in the last two postures when i was in Architecture school!

And remembering this brought fond memories of my studiomates during those days. If i slept like in the very last picture, bent over the keyboard, there would always be someone who would come by, gently nudge me and persuade me to lie down to rest instead....

.. yes, on our makeshift beds under the drawing tables - simply a platform created by winding raffia strings over the parallel bars of the table legs.

Not much better, but at least in my dear friends' term 'at least your back is not strained'.

Did i just make the life of an architectural student sound miserable? Ha.

Catch up dinner with my ex-Coachees

From left: Ainiah, Amy, Belinda (coach intern), Ronghui, Yati, me, Elizabeth

Call it occupational hazard or 'trying to be difficult', even during my catch up dinner with my first batch of life coachees last night, I could not help but ask them these leading questions:

* How do you think you have grown in the past year?
(Most of them entered a new stage of life into the Polys last year, one of them emerged through the O'levels, and another began working for the time being)

* What do you hope to work on in your personal life that will make this year better than the last?

The truth is, i wasn't trying to be difficult. I believe in the power of speaking out your growth journey and personal goals. It is always different when we hear our own selves articulate these, especially the affirmation of our growth.

So there i was trying to 'poke' into their lives though our official life coaching journey ended more than a year back. But it definitely paid off to be meddlesome in this case. My heart leapt with unspeakable joy as i heard each of them share from my questions above, especially when some of them expressed that they had overcome certain issues that were brought to light during the coaching journey!

I guess the best answer that i had gotten to my first question above was: moustache.


Shereen and Asyiqin, you were missed! =)

A song that i'm looking for now

Find Us Faithful - Steve Green (People Need The Lord)

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

Chorus:
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift though all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Repeat Chorus

Ahh-choooo-ing

i knew something was wrong when i woke in the middle of the nights to... 'ahhh-chooooo' continuously recently.

Haven't felt really unwell since a long time ago. God, heal and strengthen me!! i am holding on.... to You for this busy period!

Big Picturing

My boss 'forced' me to be on full day time-off on Monday. I hopped on a bus towards City Hall, hoping to spend the afternoon with God at the greens at Chijme or SMU. But when my bus approached the Singapore Art Museum, i thought, why not there.

The signage for 'The Big Picture Exhibition' caught my attention (i am usually very much a big picture person), and i headed for it. My heels were not a tad shy in announcing my arrival to the paintings. It was definitely an experience walking through the galleries, hearing their chirpy knocks against the parquet floor. In the stillness of the air, i anticipated not just every big picture that enfolded, but also the dance of my heels.

I had one favourite painting in this exhibition, which made me pause a couple of times, even making circular and back-and-forth steps as though dancing before it. It was like, the moment you intended to walk away from the painting, the corner of your eye would catch another detail, another dab, another corner of it that made you want to ponder more again.

Finally i settled down at the bench before it, and read my Bible in which God interestingly brought me to Ecclesiates 2:17-26 on 'toil is meaningless'. I thanked God that i have His 'wisdom, knowledge and happiness in my work' (v.26a), and these gifts of God had become more and more evident in my present job.

Looking up, my eyes roamed the picture before me again, and the writing below birthed forth from my soul:

it was almost like by divine appointment
that i stepped into 'the Big Picture'.

i felt a little small inside,

especially in front of this gigantic depiction
of the Grand Canyon.
i was thinking,
probably i am that dot at this corner,

probably i'm the little speck of brown
on top of that peak,

probably i'm at that faraway corner,
too small to even pinpoint where i am.

Yet the picture uplifted my soul.

it was a juxtaposition of colours of the land,
brought forth by the breaking of dawn
or set lighting over the land.

(even the spotlights above it
cleverly converged their rays upon the source
of the breaking light
-dramatising it)

How great is our God,
my soul sang.
Yet it wasn't its original tune,
but a new one of cheeky playfulness,
as though i was
leaping from peak to peak in the picture.

(The picture is a 199.2 x 435.8cm 'Colour Melody of the Grand Canyon' (1997) by Pratuang Emjaroen, Thailand)

beaming bricks

I have been in such a good mood, especially today,

that i noticed the rows of little bright orange bricks at my flat

beaming at me cheerfully in the sun

And my heart returned with a little song of joy.




Thank You Lord for restoring Your joy in my life! It washes me over. again. =)

When buildings glow

SNAPSHOTS FROM MILAN




.. and form a backdrop of such awe that you think it could be a painting.

My favourite picture from Pisa

Not the tower.

Back from the breeze

0643hrs > touched down
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2000hrs > at dance dance dance studio! What a refreshing time at class.

>>> More on trip soon! =)

On the move with...

... towards setting off!

Spot where i am going, through the items in this picture! =p

Took a wrong turn?

The Lord spoke to me very clearly about something recently. I thought it would also encourage many of you largely.

My colleague was sending me and two volunteers to a school where we were conducting a programme. But because he was unfamiliar with the roads in Singapore, he took two big wrong turns.

Even though i did not blame him, i was feeling anxious cos of the extra time on the road. In the midst of feeling so, God spoke this:

As long as you want to get there, even if you go one big round, you WILL get there.


* * *

Sometimes we cannot get over the regrets in life - of having gone the wrong way, not putting in enough effort which leads to a less-than-best result, of rash and silly decisions... ...

But the Lord tells you today, even if you had gone one big round, if you really want to follow His will, you will reach it.

Abandonment - Excellence

You called my name
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life

Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
When from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin

So it’s with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope for change
The second chance I’ve gained

On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I’m now in love
With a Saviour
Bearing the marks of His love

So I’ll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move

And I’ll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails

Heard this new song Second Chance from Hillsong a few weeks ago, but only listened carefully to the lyrics today. What poetic lyrics with meaning that seems to exclaim from a silent voice... deep within my heart.

Somehow they are hard to sing out loud, not because of the nature of the song, but the lyrics carry so much weight that only a spirit totally surrendered to God can sing. Me, i had been feeling slightly burdened the past few days; i could not focus on God. i could not even dance this Monday. =(

The Lord reminded me to 'cast ALL my anxiety on Him, because He cares for me' (1 Peter 5:7). And i remembered, yes, my faith goal this year is to give my best for Him in all i do, and the only way to do so, is to abandon myself (including all the discouragement and disappointments) unto Him.

i looked at my last three blog entries, and realised... the above was exactly what the Lord had been teaching me to do since the very first day of this year - the abandonment of myself that then leads me into excellence in what i do.

Sounds ironical, but that is exactly the way God works. i listened to the song 'The Stand' again and again this year because my spirit wants to sing 'With arms high and heart abandoned'.

And the Lord gave me yet another song 'Second Chance' to show me the way again - throw my life on Him, cast all my fears aside.

I am now resting myself in my Lord... waiting upon Him. =)

So it’s with everything I am ... I reach out for Your hand

Eyes on the Most High

F O C U S.

This is really something that the Lord has been training me in, in all that i do. Well, if my new year's conviction is that i want to put in my best in the things i do, i really have to learn to focus.

Yet it is not about focusing on the things i do, but focusing on God in them.
W O R S H I P. We worship God in whatever we do for Him as long as our eyes are on Him.

Colossians 3:1-2 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

* * *

Tonight at my dance class, i had one of my best times dancing. i put in my heart and soul to dance for the Lord - all i wanted to make sure was that i did every move at the right timing, that my body articulated every move well.

So i danced, danced and danced till i fell to the ground at the last steps...

... and giggled at myself.

Though i felt exerted and my tired left leg had buckled slightly a few times as i did my leaps, my soul was flooded with joy.

i had never felt such delight in dancing. The symptoms above told me that i really put in my best this time.

* * *

One character who inspired me to dance wholeheartedly is actually the lead actress Mingyue in the Korean period drama now showing on Channel U on Saturday and Sunday evenings. (I really do not have much time for tv actually, but after i chanced upon this drama, the Lord has been teaching me a lot through it)

Such mighty focus and persevering heart she (playing a courtesan) showed me, to perfect every move, so as to perform the best for their king.

I will do the same, for my King, my Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer... Jesus Christ! =)

CDP 2007

I wanted to end last year on a deep note of worship. Frankly speaking i was in no way, 'the best condition' to worship. I had been really physically tired with work, cell retreat, rehearsals before that. My heart was discouraged about some issues. But i told God, i will push myself beyond the physical, mental and emotional draining, for Him, right to the last minute of the Countdown Party (CDP)!

And truly, He topped me up - energy, breath, passion, heart and all - and i jumped and clapped and sang my heart and soul out till the very end. I am so glad i moved into 2008 on this deep personal note of leaning on Jesus.

Someone commented to me after the party, that he saw me panting and looking really tired at the last segment of worship. What a sight i must have been, i thought in my mind. Ha. But i am proud that i pushed on, and i knew that sight delighted God's heart, no matter what. Ha.

YCYPAO family who were on stage for CDP

Who says you need to be in top condition to worship God?? It's never about us, but about Him, who is ALWAYS worthy to be praised!

In the Year of Sabbath, i only want to give my best!

Christmas has just gone by, but this piece of reflections by Corrinne May stayed in my heart. It strengthens my desire to give my best to the Lord in this Year of Sabbath - only my best!

Just like in the song playing in the background - 'Arms high and heart abandoned' - the posture i want to adopt in the new year.

And I will rely on the Lord to do so. =)

* * *

Los Angeles, CA
Reflections for Christmas Day - Gifts for Jesus
25th December 2007


The nights have been getting colder
and colder over here in California
and the days and moments of light have been getting shorter.

And yet, I find a lovely reflectiveness
in this season, this Winter season,

I've always found it a blessing that stars shine
their brightest in the darkest nights.
And so it is, with our lives, oftentimes,
the darkest moments, the moments of despair,
the moments of feeling lost and confused,
can often be moments of grace, moments of intense
illumination where we re-discover ourselves, our goals,
our inspirations and the purpose for which we truly live.

It must have been a very dark night when
the brightest star shone for the 3 Magi, who
went in search of the infant King Jesus.
They must have been filled with thoughts of doubt
and despair, and yet hope must have warmed
their hearts as they travelled
all those nights in the barren desert,
eyes, turned heavenwards towards the star that
pointed the way to the infant Jesus.

They brought gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh,
but most importantly, they brought the gift
of themselves, and offered it to the infant Jesus.

Jesus says in John 17:24
"Father, they are your gift to me."

We are God the Father's gifts to Jesus.
Wow....I find that amazing. Especially when I think of the moments
when I've been weak, fragile, proud, hurt, selfish...
not the best type of gift at all.

Yet, we are Jesus's christmas presents.
The gift of ourselves, of our time, of our talents, of our being.
What type of gifts do we want to be?
What type of gifts are we to our families, to our friends?
What can we present to the infant Jesus when we reach the end
of this journey under the stars?

Have a blessed, reflective Christmas
filled with wonder and Joy :)