He prays non-stop for us

"How encouraging is the thought of the Redeemer’s never-ceasing intercession for us. When we pray, He pleads for us; and when we are not praying, He is advocating our cause, and by His supplications shielding us from unseen dangers…. We little know what we owe to our Saviour’s prayers. When we reach the hill-tops of heaven, and look back upon all the way whereby the Lord our God hath led us, how we shall praise Him who, before the eternal throne, undid the mischief which Satan was doing upon earth. How shall we thank Him because He never held His peace, but day and night pointed to the wounds upon His hands, and carried our names upon His breastplate!"

~Charles Spurgeon, in Morning and Evening (page 23)

what i hope to catch up on

(From left to right) 1.What i'm currently reading 2.What i just bought! 3.What i hope to embark on soon 4.What's gonna make me roll off the chair in laughter (Cant wait to watch it!)

1. Drawing Near by John Bevere - in every page i read, there is at least one point that makes me pause, process and reflect. This book is filled with fresh revelations of the heart of God who truly desires us all to be near Him.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10) is the recurring theme here. Do you fear the Lord, or are you scared of Him?

2. Touching the Father's Heart by Cesar Castellanos (my spiritual great great grandfather!) - finally got this book! I want to deepen my prayer life, and i know this simple book is going to be a great aid.

3. Life on the Edge by James Dobson - one of the most treasured Christmas gifts from last year (*winks* to bro w). Think its gonna teach me more about the lives of young people (stated 13-25 yrs in the book, hey i'm included! :P).

4. SpongeGuard on Duty (cartoon vcd) - i watched Just for Laughs on tv5 last night, and giggled, chuckled and laughed throughout the half hour by myself on the armchair. i'm sure this vcd is going to do such wonders in me too...it's that sponge! (thanks for the Christmas pressie too, bro b! =) )

Today is my birthday!

What a wonderful day! heee *winks*

my current heart song

You Are / You Are Lord
Darlene Zschech, Jennifer Va'a
Key: FIntro:
F Dm
(2x)

F Dm
You are my light and salvation
Bb Gm7
whom shall i fear?
C C/E Fsus F Dm
You are the strength of all my days
Bbmaj7
oh whom shall i be afraid
C Dm Gm9
though war may rise against me
C Dm Bb
of this will I be sure

F Dm
that i will bless the Lord forever
Bb G/B C
I'll bless Your holy name
F Dm
Yes, I will bless the Lord forever
Bb G/B C
I'll Bless Your Holy Name

Lord it's You I desire
it's You that I seek
To live with You in your house forever
beholding Your beauty
in the time of trouble
of this will i be sure

F Dm
You ask me who do I
Bb
Say that You are and I
G/B C
Say that You are the Christ
F
Son of the Living God

©2003 Hillsong Publishing (Admin. in U.S. & Canada by Integrity's Hosanna! Music)All rights reserved. International copyright secured.CCLI song #4158266

God please take away the pain...

i always thought that my threshold for physical pain was very high, but not for my stomach cramps this afternoon. The strain in my body was so intense that my heart beat faster, and my hands even shook slightly.

After popping down a panadol, i cringed inside my office toilet, and actually fell asleep on the floor, tired out from battling the crunching pain. The sound of thunder woke me, and to my surprise the pain had subsided within that few minutes of rest.

i think God is asking me a question from here - When i prayed for Him to help, did i really allow Him to do so? I remembered amidst crying out to God, i was trying out all bending and sitting postures to attempt to relieve the pain, and also talking to others or doing my work to distract myself from it, but it got worse. He had to cause me to be still (in sleep) before Him, before He healed me.

The same thing happened probably an hour later. And it was also after i let myself doze off on my desk that my pain was significantly relieved.

We really need to learn to be still before God, and stop trying to interfere in what He wants to do in our lives. =)

this is my office desk -->

These are what i got today!

Yesh, and they all came from one person - a really sweet 10-yr old gal from Yishun Children's Club named Wan Ying. (The birthday card being a super belated one for my birthday last May, haha. Check out how she spelt my name while making the card a month ago!) She touched my heart since the first day i met her two months ago, even though she was pulling a really long face then...cos' she gave me the first smile of that day, mind you, willingly! :)

Looking at her and the other small kids at the club today, i really understood why Jesus loves the small children so much. In Matthew 19:14 of the Bible, Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." The children have greater faith to trust, and thus dare to give more to others.

Jesus actually said this before the verse above "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). That is cos' Jesus is not looking for conditional faith (based on logic, or twisted by our own desires) , half faith.. which actually mean no faith.

The moment Wan Ying saw that she could trust my love for her, she did not reason 'how could anyone ever be good to me just like this?', 'maybe mirrorbell will never come again' (in fact she smses me almost every week to ask if i am going to her club - such pure and immense faith!)... She simply trusted and gave me the best of herself - her art work and drawings (Yeah, her dream is to be an artist, and she carries a little sketchbook around - such focus in her faith!). :)

Wan Ying reminded me to have childlike faith in God. :)

And the visit today ended on such a sweet note as i opened up her little gift (my really belated birthday present) and saw that the words on the wooden photo frame described exactly how i have been feeling towards mingling with the little children from Yishun Club...
A child is a handful some but a heartful all of the time. *melts*

this is my niece

this is my niece (real niece! which means i'm really her aunty, hee) at our Good Friday party last night. Praise God for the one salvation, and eight others who want to know more about God! :) Check out a wonderful girl's amazing testimony shared at the party at Dreamers.Movers.Shakers - the blog that will shake you!!! =)

Where, O death, is your victory?

i was led to take a glance at the obituaries in the Straits Times on Saturday morning out of the sudden. It was then i caught sight of my primary school's form teacher's picture there...then her name...and i realised she had passed away on 11 april. My primary class had heard nothing of it; death had simply crept in and took her away.

i was quite void of feelings. i did not know if it was the high number of death that had come so close to my friends and peers' parents in the past year that caused me to be so. But deep down i knew i was sad. Ms Haslindah, my primary school form teacher for four years, gave to me a lot during those years. I was just like one of the children at Yishun Club, wanting people to love and trusting them to care. And i found a dedicated love in Ms Haslindah then.
* * *

What is on your mind now?

A fear of death, a fear of losing your loved ones?

Let me tell you, i fear losing my dad and mum most. I cried when my neighbour's dad passed away, because he was such a dear uncle, and also his departure made me admit that 'i don't want to lose my dad...i'm so scared'.

But i remembered my God is a resurrected and living God. Jesus defeated death by rising from the dead three days after he died. And for those who believe that this divine resurrection is meant to grant mankind a very certain hope for the eternal future, and accept Jesus as their Savior (John 3:17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him), not only do they receive the gift of eternal life, they are also not separated by death. Yes, i want my parents to be with me in eternity in Jesus' presence too! I have been praying for their salvations all these while. O Lord, i already know You will come and save.

Do you have an eternal hope? Can you be sure that you can defeat death? (Come on, there is a difference between postponing death (those who had a close shave from death) and overcoming death. And the probability of anyone dying is always 1 out of 1. Everyone dies! - quoted from my senior pastor Rev Khong)

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. (1 Corinthian 15:54-56)

What is Good Friday & Easter about?

(card from crosscards.com)

Emptyhanded.

Have you always been seeking achievement after achievement in order to seek others' approval, hoping that the world will look up to you after each triumph?

Or have you accustomed yourself through the growing up years to think that only when you attain something honourable in the eyes of the other, will he or she love you or take notice of you?

Do you ever remember yourself sighing a deep Alas! upon realising that you can never fully satisfy anyone, or there are always others who outshine you?

Yesh i grew up in this way. Arising to be one of the top 4 students in my primary school, i went on to enrol into one of the top 5 secondary schools (where i alas-ed many times cos' i could no longer be among the very top), got into a top JC, and were accepted into one of the NUS courses deemed to be prestigious in the eyes of many students (cos' of its aptitude tests and interviews before entrance). My parents and even the extended family seemed pretty proud of me. And i probably thought that the world was happy because they were awaiting a rising star out of me.

But alas, i found that i was never happy personally! It was soooo hard striving to be the top myself. So i gave up fighting for best grades, till i missed the mark to enrol into Masters for NUS Architecture with my batch (something that many of you do not know). It was a suffocating moment for me; i suddenly realised i was...lost.

My thoughts went, 'How do i account to my parents...where am i going from here? So what if i got accepted into Masters of Architecture in RMIT,Melbourne instead...just go? Who was i trying to please???...'

* * *

Today as i listened to the song Majesty above, i broke down once again at the line 'Emptyhanded but alive in Your hands'. In fact the whole song described how God brought me through my situation above two years ago. God showed me that i could be emptyhanded, yet winning His approval. He told me He was proud of me as His daughter, no matter if i had a masters' degree or not. My worth in His eyes is never determined by the number of brilliant buildings i can ever design on earth.

And only when i released myself - my dreams, plans, and even the planless-ness to Jesus, i found myself, i found what i wanted. And I found Jesus' love in the ever deepest way; He took my broken heart full of disappointment in myself for not meeting the expectations of people, and gave me back a new wholesome heart - healed and beautiful. I learnt to forgive people, because i had been forgiven by God for everything that i owed Him.

i learnt to live life for Someone who is Bigger and even Supreme, yet Whose love is so tender and free for me, and Whose heart's desire is me. I returned to my Source; my Inventor would know my life purpose! And indeed, i have been on my way of pursuing my dream to be a pastor since the day He told me that. Every person that God has brought to me to counsel, minister and speak life and truth into, i did it with all my heart, and there is extreme joy in doing so, even when i could get so heartbroken with the person or his situation at the same time!

And want to know one of my greatest dreams? It is to preach to nations and multitudes like my Great Great Grandmother, Pastor Claudia Castellanos! :)

Praise God for allowing me such precious learning experiences through these two years; He is moving me towards my dream! Yet i still consider myself emptyhanded, cos' i surrendered my dream to God. i am not going to rely on my own strength and wisdom to pursue it! It is His to keep, and to grow in me. I do not know the way to fulfiling it, but He already has a plan to accomplish it in me as i follow Him. This i am sure. :)

Come and receive this greatest Love of all! You lose nothing in being changed and humbled by Jesus' love. :)

A man in my life

i wouldn't call him my childhood playmate cos' of our age gap, but i did grow up with him through joy, delight, exasperation and tears.

he used to quite often get on my nerves (probably me on his too). i guess its true that, with people whom you live with and learn to live with, the tolerance level tends to be tested much more than with any other. But there are also times when i couldnt help laughing at his boyishness and cheeky grins.

Having a sporty build, his lean arms have become wonderful grabpoles when you just feel like squeezing something. Gosh to think he was only half my height before!

But oh well, whether he is half or twice (i hope never) as tall as me, whether he steps on my toes or lends me his latest sports bag, no matter what, he is always my precious brother whom i am really proud of! :)

i often pat jiunkai on the shoulder (with a ruffle of his hair sometimes) and say 'Hey, i really think you are wonderful and we will be always proud of you no matter if you are the top scholar or not. We love you for who you are. Just go forth and do your best!' And i mean every word. :)

There was a sense of pride that welled up secret micro-tears in me as i caught sight of jiunkai sitting among the new batch of recruits in Tekong last friday. He is going to be a NS man! What delight it brought to be able to witness my brother's enlistment ceremony, and have that full confidence that he is going to arise out of this phase much stronger - physically, emotionally and psychologically! :) Yesh, my confidence, in the Lord! :)

Boys to men...i never expected this cliche phrase to instil so much joy and pride in me even as a witness of its embarking! Praise God for creating this process! ha. :)

this is my daughter

I gave Amanda the word freedom a few weeks back. Later on God showed me Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Indeed my dear daughter, always remember that you have already been set free! Always live a life of God's victory! :)

Amanda is one of my youngest daughters, yet one of those we have witnessed God's transformation work the most. That is because she allowed God to. And yesh, my daughter, always allow God in an act of surrender and obedience. That is all you need to do. :)

She is also one of those dearest to my heart! Not because she was the first girl i baptised, but... (to be continued) :P

<--guess which is amanda? :P

Introducing...my family!

Peektures from our very recent trip in China -->

Click on the image to view the slideshow! =)