i want to stay.

Oh Lord Father,

this is for final, with full conviction of my heart.
I WANT TO STAY.

the vision, of bringing the gals to encounter in september.

MY WORK IS NOT COMPLETED HERE.

Colossians 4:17
Tell Archippus: "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord."

i found complete joy true joy in being there for them, in seizing my vision to become a mother of nations. And Lord, You have already brought the people to my door.

My joy doesn't lie in going overseas to pursue architecture. that's not even a dream. It just happened to be one of the choices.

Oh Lord, heal my parents' hearts. May Your healing moves and works over every line of heartbreak in them. I'm sorry mum and dad. My indecisiveness has caused them much pain.

And lord, i hold on to my vision. Thank you for it, the strength and the conviction. Lord, you have to be the one to help me stay. There's nothing else that i can do.

OH FATHER I WANT TO STAY.
YES.

in a polly pocket.

i wish i could capsulate myself, my room, my loved, my church, my dearies, and all my present committments into a polly pocket. You know those girlish toys that were in such fad when i was like, ten years old - little colorful oystershell-like containers where a girl's fantasical world inhabits. They used to be my faithful companions on those seemingly long car drives on my family outings. And i actually played that with my bro then. Haa.

And yesh, i wish i could just pack my current ongoings in life in a knapsack and move on to melbourne. As simple as a polly pocket concept. But then that wouldnt be called moving on. wouldnt mean moving out of my comfort zone. wouldnt be letting go.

Seems like the polly pocket is still only ideal for fantasies. in the head of a little girl. who doesn't want to grow up.