I am human too.
Many of you have left notes to me, saying that you have found encouragement, inspiration or simply Godly peace thru' reading my blog. Thank you. And i praise God truly, cos' He is the one who has encouraged your hearts. =) * * * Gals, do you want a cheerful face or a crushed spirit? They do not exist together.
I suspect most of you have the impression that i am always joyful and positive. That is truly how i choose and seek to be. Before i smile, i make sure joy swells from within my heart (Proverbs 15:13a A happy heart makes the face cheerful). I choose to look ahead more than behind, cos' while i can still make efforts for today and the future, i can never change the past. That is why i never use 'what if...' - 'what if i had noticed the mistake earlier... what if i had done it even better...' - but one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)
But i am still human. i do get hurt, feel unappreciated and think negative too. i understand why such an unfortunate trend of cutting wrists/arms is so prevalent among the youth gals nowadays.
Though i never thought of doing that, i did use to entertain thoughts like 'maybe i should just die or jump down the flat' when i was younger. It seemed almost therapeutic to indulge in negative thoughts and feelings, or even pain. Isn't that true, gals?
Just last night i felt so hurt and couldn't stop sobbing. i wanted to spend some quality time with a very dear person, so i tried to plan a trip according to her preferences, and made efforts to save up more. But when i tried to confirm the plans with her last night, she said merely this 'i don't feel like going'. i asked why. And her answer is 'sianz...'.
These little-gal thoughts raced thru' my mind - 'So going out with me is sianz... i knew it, she doesn't love me, nobody likes me....'.
Do these sound familiar to some of you?
Proverbs 15:13 ends like this: A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
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+ Have you felt so crushed in your spirit that you tried to 'transfer' the heartache to pains and wounds on your own body?
+ Afraid of dying thus cutting your lower arms instead of your wrists?
+ Do thinking and feeling negative bring you both pain and pleasure?
May i emphasise to you that this pleasure is deceptive! Heartache definitely crushes you, not just mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, but physically as well. Which gal wants to face the world with swollen downcast eyes and Rudolph's nose?
A car, once scratched, loses its original splendour and value. Gals, God created every of you in His beauty and brilliance. Don't create scratches on yourselves that you WILL regret later on.
The Heavenly Father's heart is very pained when you do that. Imagine how a car owner's heart pains when his sparkling car gets scratched. Did someone ever tell you that you are God's sparkling gem?
Another good news is that, you will never lose your unmeasurable value in God's eyes! The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). Hey gals, do not try to deny that your hearts are really loving, tender and giving. Beautiful.
If any of you has been cutting your own arms/wrists/thighs, may you allow me to tell you this: My heart pains extremely too when you do that to yourself.
* * *
This morning i woke up with swollen eyes. ARGH. But i looked (thru smaller eyes, heh) to Jesus who was there with me the whole of last night, and who told me He understood and gave me His comfort and healing. Today i had renewed strength in my spirit, and i will forget what is behind, and strain toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13). I am God's precious gem, and i will continue to shine, reflecting His glory!
Guess what, i just smiled, and i knew it arose out of the inner joy of the Lord who had strengthened my heart (Nehemiah 8:10). Proverbs 15:13a A happy heart makes the face cheerful. =)
2 comments:
Son says: HI MUM =)zZZ heh yeah i read ur blog. haa i remember that u wrote this verse proverbs 15:13 on my first journal book that u gave me and i clearly rem that it is the day u went w my bros and amanda for encounter camp X). actually i did memorise that verse but i realise and know that haix i did it bcos arh pa gave me to and just memorise... and I just dun feel that it helps whenever somthg bad or happens in my life just like The VERSE James 1: 19-21. cos i am always very angry whenever nags comes to my hear haix just like i told u just now about waiting for my DAD for looong mins. yeah sadly i hve not been memorising verses given by arh pa everyweek and i guess he dont know cos i stop saying out the verse to him which he gave on that week ler. it happens for three mths ler. haix even fail to mem Romans 8: 38-39. felt bad when dinner waits for me to clear at home and grandma actually get out from bed and ask me y soo late? in chinese. haix i saw this rice cooker on making the rice hot and she just keep it in the refrigerator U_U. m sooo irresponsible thas all iknow and feel well tell u more again. sometimes i jut dont like the feeling of going home and i realise the big change of my relationship between my granparents and I. the past is really gd but now soo far away. haix u ran struggling to the "finishing line" just now terrible run for me cos i slack last week no training doing project and study a lil bit of prelims. hai was thinking whether this shears bridge run is a training or challenge for me" i even mem 1 Corinthians 9: 27 but it never helps me at all cos i just run and run thinking nothing at all , now my mem verses fade away day by day U_U. losing the interest of memorising it, what a waste of my 1 year plus hardwork which is the past. well what a comment haix ok gd nite den. c u again yeah. " not doing the things i need/ used to do" (goood things). I just simply need smthg to help me go back to HIM cos its not easy for me to start a new
Dear stehsi, *huggies*. Thanks so much. =)
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Dear son,
You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? - Galatians 5:7
Son, in every run you do, you have to go thru' a certain degree of struggle - push your body, psycho your mind, etc. The very fact that you struggled and fought to finish yesterday's run is already commendable. You FINISHED it. *pats*
The important issue here is not about you memorising the verses or not. God does not judge us by the numbers of verses we remember. Your ahpa too, his love for you does not change according to that.
We'll talk more again elsewhere. May i encourage you to 'set your mind on things above' as you run this Sun. And know that you are not alone in your race of life.
Love you,
mum
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