my parents are the most loving and beautiful.

Lord i really know why even though i would love to have long chats with my dad over the phone, and my mum personally, i always hesitate to do so. The reason being i am so afraid i will cry after talking, or in the midst of it. I am phobic of that sad feeling with my parents.

i really love them. That is why i attempt to initiate outings, conversations and little gestures of love and concern to them again and again, no matter how hard it seems, no matter how rejected i feel sometimes. God is always encouraging me on too. He understands my feelings, comforts me, and urges me to 'try again my dear daughter'.

i believe God is not deliberately causing me pain; He wants me to really love my family back together. He loves my parents.

Dont be mistaken here, my parents are one of the most loving and beautiful pairs on earth. They have given to me so much more than anyone else on earth has. But the problem in human relationships is that, even though two parties can love each other deeply, that love never conveys and ministers fully when they cannot understand each other's love languages.

Thus here comes a distance that keeps on growing if you dont pay heed to it. I wouldnt even call it a generational gap. It is simply due to lack of proper communications.

Anyway the reasons why out of ten times, six times i will cry after talking with them are:

> they dont understand me or what i am talking about; they dont understand my heart for them.

> they always sound like they are blaming me for all the negative things, even when they speak in a very nice, non-blaming tone. Not mentioning the fact that my parents dont really practise encouraging others. Like just now my dad called overseas to specifically ask if i knew my mum went to see the doc this morning. I admit i didnt know. But i seriously think my mum could have told me. Does she think that i dont care? Does she know that this causes me not to want to tell her anything about myself too? i cannot read people's minds from their faces!

>yup they always sound like i dont care about them. Perhaps they really think so. This never fails to break my heart. I really put in a lot of efforts to show my care for them. But how many times when i go back at night and i initiate to talk with my mum, has she remained silent not answering my question, cos' she is feeling upset about something that is not related to me at all??!!! I'm really feeling that she is taking me as a venting channel more and more. She talks more with me only when she wants to complain about my dad and bro, usually in a tone that sounds like the frustration is directed at me.

the truth is, i really care. Daddy, you are the only one i make myself readily call once in a while at night, even if its just to say 'goodnight dad'. (I dont really enjoy talking on the phone at night with anyone actually). And yesh, mummy i buy flowers for you, help you with the ironing and washing-up, listento you when you want to vent your frustrations, encourage you with a squeeze on the shoulder when you feel unappreciated, willingly give you an 'angpow' every month from my pay........ All these are done out of Love.


> Simply cos i miss my dad, miss those younger days when he was always physically around for me.... when my mum talks bubbly with me... And wonder how come things are not the same anymore...


Father Lord, bless my parents. You love them more than i can ever do. Bless my dear bro jk too.

Lord bring them to the Parents Appreciation Night. I really want to invite them from all of my heart, really wish for them to come, so that i can publicly show my appreciation for them.