What happens when one of the seagulls has a clipped wing?

What happens when another is flying toward the wrong way?

What happens when one does not even want to fly?


Have i been putting too much pressure on myself Lord? Do i really love them too much to lose them? O Lord fend off satan's lies for me. I feel too weak to fight against them now.

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You know Father, sometimes i just wish i had gone off to melbourne. I can force myself to be an architect, cos i just cannot stop being interested in it. I notice so many details of the world, sometimes i can even imagine myself cadding out the spaces in my mind -spaces that mystify and excite even myself. And it would seem like i have a definite direction in life, in the eyes of my family and relatives --imagine the gleam in their eyes when they hear that i am a qualified architect.

Imagine two whole years to be on my own and explore the corners out there? Isnt that what i always love to do? Packed just with my sketchbook, a pencil, and a cam (and perhaps a guitar), humming my fav tunes, i would roam the long streets and hunt out corners myself, just to take a look at life which i have never seen. Imagine exploring the shadows of the world; such beautiful puzzles and pictures they can form, only to evolve or vanish the next moment.

The art of the world indeed entices me so.


God you know i love people, and i love to love them. But God you know too, there are times when i like to ignore people, and just let everything revolve around me and the world.

Hmm no wonder you seemingly did not approve of grandeur in architecture. So whats the point of taking architecture? Who on earth came up with this stoopid idea of a course called architecture???

Argh oh well oh well, the thing that was troubling me had nothing to do with architecture AT ALL. I'm just letting all the pent-up stuff seep out of me. This would do me good.


Hee nearly wanted to roam off into the forest at SAFTI that afternoon myself...it felt good walking around under the canopies alone, breathing in the fresh air, singing my fav worship songs, even wanted to go on that little rope bridge (but was wearing heels argh) .........until i saw that sign "Beware of snakes". Well well, as adventurous as i can be, i do not wish to be fighting snakes with heels in the forest.

Huh, God so that was Your stop sign.

You know who i am inside

Sonicflood
I Need You

You know of my deepest fear
You know when I'm scared
You can read my empty page
You can feel my rage

You're aware of when I dream
You see when I bleed
You can tell when I need love
You know I'm in need
I know we need You, Father
Much more than any other
Your love brings us together
We need You,
we need YouLove,
we need love
You are love
We need You
Love, You are love
We need love
We need You
I need You.

You know who I am inside...

YET YOU STILL CHOSE TO LOVE ME.

humility and simplicity - motto for the year!

When you sincerely ask God to humble you, He REALLY will. Haa....Praise Him!!

Towards the end of last year, i realised my heart had been getting more prideful, fundamentally due to the many blessings and achievements He has graciously granted me in a mere year.

It IS amazing to have so much of His grace upon you, to be bestowed so much more than you can ask for. His favor seems to follow you around too! For all these, my heart of gratitude towards Him overflows. But satan also took the chance to slip into me a dreadful trait - self pride.

I felt it very strongly, cos alot of times, i begun to bear thoughts of slight contempt towards people around me, even towards God's blessings for them, like "hey they dont deserve that much". This judgemental streak sneaked up on me occasionally, especially when i let my Christward guards down. And my, how it stirred up turbulences in me!

Thank God, He finally convicted me to kneel before Him in where else but my favorite praying corner - the toilet (this time, the office's)- and my spirit just cried out to Him to humble me. Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast and humble spirit within me." (Italiced words are my own)

And guess what, He really did! Today i felt a whole new humble spirit within me. No longer am i obsessed with the desire of having more and more girls under me, but i'm brought back to the only most fundamental duty which i need to fulfil - To just go all out and Love everyone. Cos' they are all God's people.

As the evening dawned, i was brought to this verse "..for the Son of God came to serve, and not to be served.." -Matthew 20:28

If that's Jesus's destiny on earth, that should be my very purpose on earth too!

I came to earth to serve, and not to be served!


Humility leads me to think Simplicity. Oh yesh God, there are many things on earth which i wanted, but i didnt need them. Wow, i feel much free-er in my spirit man!

An immediate application then came when i reached home. I was late for dinner; my family began dinner. Last time i would bear a silent little grudge about why nobody went to scoop rice for me. But hey, i came to serve, not to be served. No little grudge tonight!

Hooray, praise God!!!


Once again He set me free.

prayers.10nov04

Father bless my cell sisters. Make each of them beautiful in Your every way for them, rise them up in Your faith and courage, both in life and in serving You. Protect their hearts Father; may Your Love be the shield for them against the wounds and temptations of the world. May Your powerful anointing continue to dwell upon my spiritual leader yvonne; may she never lose faith in You about any of us, especially when we stray away.

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Father bless my gals to become Sarahs in Your eyes. May You rise up even the smallest seed of faith in their hearts to serve You faithfully in David Club and even in the mundaneness of their lives and routines. May their faces glow with Your radiance of Light each day. For those taking their Os now, Father i ask of You again to bless them mightily with Your strength and confidence.

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Father bless my family, my dearests. Guide my dad, mum and bro with Your peace, love and light each day, even if they have not found You. May You continue to use me mightily to reveal Yourself in my family.
Oh Lord bless the relationship between my grandparents as well. I lift it all up into Thy hands.

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Father bless bro bun much in his work, his walk with Jesus, with his boys and his family, especially his dad. Bless his heart Lord, that it would be ever protected from the lies and distractions of the devil. May he wake up each day only to feel Your grace, hear Your breath and take in the sweet aroma of Christ.

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Father bless bro joshua as he's rushing mad for his project submission in shanghai now. May Your sovereignty reveal as You perform the miracle in his project- that he can finish so much more than he can ever imagine. Bless him with a beautiful time as his parents and bro sebestian fly over tomorrow to visit him.

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Father bless my sister lilin and selynn especially, and protect their minds from satan. Seal their hearts in the kingdom of God, ever nurtured and beautified.

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Father bless bro kern and shawn in their work in san francisco. Thank You Lord for letting kern excel in his school work; thank You that we can proclaim Your highest glory in it so much. Keep him strong in Your embrace.

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Father bless my dear bro alvin. Thank You Lord for strengthening him so much at these moments when he just feels so weak and lost. Thank You Father for bringing him into a community and family of Love; Father i trust that you will bring him to stay in where he truly belongs.

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Father bless my dear dear bro jon. I do miss him really, after all i have been so used to being in tune with his deepest feelings and thoughts. Didnt even catch a glimpse of him in school that whole night, but that's of course of least importance. I pray of You Father to keep him close within Your sight, Your boundaries, and Your Love, no matter how hard he tries to hide and run from You now. Father i hold unto the vision of his return.

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Father bless my conversation with joan tomorrow!!! May it be seasoned and overflow with Your grace. Teach me what to say Father, how to effectively share about Your love with her. May You use me and the book Purpose Driven mightily, as You open her mind and heart to receive more and more of You into her life. Father, let me understand her barriers, her concerns, and may i be able to even speak through these with Your wisdom and grace. Yesh, tmrw 10am!

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Last but not least, Father i thank You for all that You are, cos they are all that i need.

i feel like...

i feel like bathing myself in cool blue waters now,
i feel like swimming with the dolphins.

i feel like riding on an extreme ride in the amusements
to hype my rushing adrenaline,
screaming into the voids of velocity,
my hair loose in the winds.
(the ferris wheel can do too)

i feel like skydiving
in the vaults of heavens,
immersing myself in the warmth of His sunlight.

i feel like laying myself flat
on the steamy golden sands of the coasts,
listening to the waves as they flap my ears wet
till they are deaf from moisture.

After which i would rise,
run myself crazy,
and comb the beach of a hint of rest-
rest in my soul.
(yet dripping in mad perspiration)

i feel like goin on a safari
and stare into the very eyes of the maned creature
with the boldness of Daniel.
(as though i dare)

i feel like
i feel like
dancing, twirling, swirling and wheezing
till i kneel in exhaustion
at the feet of Jesus.
I hope He will let me kiss His feet,
let me ask of His forgiveness.



(This is a personal prayer to the Lord for Him to set me free from the recent stuffiness in my heart. It gets really suffocating at times, Father, when i engulf myself in it. It seeks to blind my eyes from You, stop my heart from feeling You. Help me to remember Father, "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." (Psalms 84:11))

Single.mind.edness

singleminded (adj.) : intent on only one aim.

Take my life, and let it be Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days, Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move At the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; Not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use Every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine: It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart; it is Thine own: It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love; my Lord, I pour At Thy feet its treasure-store.
Take myself, and I will be Ever, only, all for Thee.


i went in search of the missing shadow, one that had been carried away by the rising and setting of the sun.
i went back to seek a part of my past, one that had been lifted unto the hands of the Son.
As fleeting as the shadows had i become, i broke the heart of my Father
who watched me turn from Him and the cross, with a heart grieved and sighed.

Oh Father i am so sorry to have broken Your heart. I shouldnt have let the past memories and feelings bind me again. Knowing that music usually never fails to sweep my heart's emotions, i did not stop satan from using it to sweep me away. i cannot let the song qin fei de yi transpose me away from You again!

Father i thank You so much for yesternight's sermon, and Pastor Khong's favourite song. No turning back no turning back. I was determined oh Father, that i sang these lines last night with the full strength of my heart, and Father i really want to honour those lines to You. I knew last night, i turned back towards the Cross and Jesus again. And as the shadows of the Cross fleeted away once more, i knew the burdens of the past were once more swept away from me. This time i want it to be final. Father help me to honour my words to You.

I thank You Father too, for putting an assurance in my heart that i had built my house on rock, and not sand. Kern is always saying that i am a strong woman, like a tree, like the redwood tree planted in 1891 in his school. I do feel that i have grown so strong too, and all praises to You Father for this. But Father, i know You desire 100% attention from me -singlemindedness.

Ever will i want to cling on You Lord.

_______________________________________
An empty canvas i was born
for the Father's hands to begin to draw
Longing to see the picture He will form
breaths of sigh i would draw
when all my Father patiently did
was to dab and mix the colors long
(to be cont'd)
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[PRAYERS.08nov04.midnight.]


Bun's birthday wish for this year:
"the full baptism of the holy spirit that it starts with me, pours unto me and flows to my members, resulting in an inside out transformation first. And the rest is up to Him."

Wonderful. Applaud him for this; all glory to God for such a Christward heart. Father, may You honour His wish for You, bless and equip him with the full armor of God to fight and serve You all his life. I boast of You Lord in his strengths, and plead with Jesus to be strong in his weaknesses. Empower Him Father for all that he needs in Your grace to spur himself, his boys and all people around him to run for Jesus. Thank You Lord. And yesh God, once again i pray that nobody, including myself, will ever cause his heart to stumble.


Father bless my gals, not just those under me, but every single one of them who are so close to my heart. Especially for patricia, jean, belinda, kah li, eunice, annabel, hwee jing, xianglin, ain... Father may Your full force of confidence and wisdom be upon them for their O'levels now. Cast out all distractions Lord.

Father open up belinda's heart too, to stop her from running away from You. Give her the strength to face You, and to accept Jesus. Bless the hearts of yvonne, meryl, valerie, ching meei, penny, eloisa, janice, jessie, shangying, xuezhen, kaiwen, kailing, nadhira, nilam, huilan, minghui, joan etc.; draw them nearer to Jesus, and Father may You use me to intercede and to bring them steps closer to You each time i talk with them or meet up with them.

I pray that amanda's baptism remains a miracle for her throughout her life; one that is reflected from the miraculous resurrection of Jesus. Thank You Father for Your words spoken to her through Ee jay's prayers --that she is a kite designed to fly high for Jesus always. And yesh, like what ee jay good old whale said, may she soar in her God-given dreams as well with Your strength and courage.

Father, bless shawna with a good time from now to the Encounter Camp in preparation of her heart and spirit. May her steadfastness in You grow with the days. May You bless her grandmother who is in hospital now Lord with much of Your healing grace and comfort. As well as for patricia's mother, may You grant her a speedy recovery from her operation.

Yawnzzz.

Father i wanna go to hatyai!!! May you grant me concession from my mum and dad as well. Argh, havent been able to talk to my dad properly. He's always talking to me as though i am a child. Well well. Hmm guess should rem what bun says, try to honour him in small ways at least, to let him know that he's not losing me.

My headache seems to be creeping up on me again. Argh better not tell bun anymore. Father i do pray that our friendship, partnership, and whatever become clearer, not in our own ways, but all through Your eyes. I hate vagueness; i don't like hints. Open cards on the table, if you allow.

Oh yeah, may You bless lihui, joan and clement with a good closure in their projects tonight and tmrw!

Father bring my sis selynn nearer to You once more, so close that she can feel Your breath upon her face. May You heal her from the past hurts with your miraculous healing grace; Father i miss her.

And yesh Lord, bless those going mad in the studios now, the year ones and fours. May You see each of them through this final lap; may Your glory shine from every project and every heart. May You be their red bull, coffee...yeah!

heh i myself cannot make it anymore. Came back at 6 this morn and slept till 9plus only. The archi lifestyle!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh.......................

My bed is beckoning me. Oops havent read my bible. See you there God!

let my every breath praise the Lord. :>

When you are weak, He is strong.
He can heal your wounded soul, and calm the storm inside.

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I'll bring you more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.

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down at the Cross
come and leave all your pride
lay everything at His feet
for us all He was willing to die
even when we were weak
when we were still without strength
when we were set in our ways
when we were filled with hatred for Him
still He was willing to die for you and i
down at the Cross......