when will he ever understand

oh Father,when will jonathan ever understand our hearts for him.. when will he ever recognise how much we desire for him to return to You.
oh Father, tell me how i can help him again, if you will me to.

i'm scared

I will cling unto the Father's love and strength.

Sometimes i feel like i've put myself into a greater mess than before. Oh Lord. Put my life back in order oh Lord.

Sometimes i just cant help feeling so scared Father. i dunno what will happen. And Lord, i seriously worry that the worst scenerio will occur. But on the other hand, there's a certain rest of heart that Father, you're definitely in charge and You will make a way for me. Oh Father.....

I thank you Father for b.

i hugged my dad!!!

haa thinkin back bout that scene sends both warmth and a shudder of chill in my heart.

i hugged my dad!
after telling him that i actually miss him alot. Whenever i think back of the scene when he will pat me to sleep every night when i was small -plus all the finger-twirling/grabbing kiddish games- i just feel like sobbing. And i told him that right in his face.

This is a good one. A good beginning.
:>

[scene taken place on 30th May 2004, 10pm]

i want to stay.

Oh Lord Father,

this is for final, with full conviction of my heart.
I WANT TO STAY.

the vision, of bringing the gals to encounter in september.

MY WORK IS NOT COMPLETED HERE.

Colossians 4:17
Tell Archippus: "See to it that you complete the work you have received in the Lord."

i found complete joy true joy in being there for them, in seizing my vision to become a mother of nations. And Lord, You have already brought the people to my door.

My joy doesn't lie in going overseas to pursue architecture. that's not even a dream. It just happened to be one of the choices.

Oh Lord, heal my parents' hearts. May Your healing moves and works over every line of heartbreak in them. I'm sorry mum and dad. My indecisiveness has caused them much pain.

And lord, i hold on to my vision. Thank you for it, the strength and the conviction. Lord, you have to be the one to help me stay. There's nothing else that i can do.

OH FATHER I WANT TO STAY.
YES.

in a polly pocket.

i wish i could capsulate myself, my room, my loved, my church, my dearies, and all my present committments into a polly pocket. You know those girlish toys that were in such fad when i was like, ten years old - little colorful oystershell-like containers where a girl's fantasical world inhabits. They used to be my faithful companions on those seemingly long car drives on my family outings. And i actually played that with my bro then. Haa.

And yesh, i wish i could just pack my current ongoings in life in a knapsack and move on to melbourne. As simple as a polly pocket concept. But then that wouldnt be called moving on. wouldnt mean moving out of my comfort zone. wouldnt be letting go.

Seems like the polly pocket is still only ideal for fantasies. in the head of a little girl. who doesn't want to grow up.